Sedih

I hate myself...i really really hate myself. I think i no longer know who i really am.


It's hard for me to control myself. It's hard for me to control my anger, my hope, my determination towards something.

I wonder,

Why i am so lazy these days??

Why i hate something that i hardly understand it?

Why i hope that one day i will be accepted?

Why i am lacking of zikr and fikr??

Why i put the insignificant event higher than the significant one?


Why i am so weak?...i bear a broken heart inside! Events have continuously stabbed my fragile hope. Ya Allah, why i no longer feel energized in doing what i like?


It's hard for me to forget the humiliations towards me . I can forgive but somehow hard to forget. I can smile but i am unable to be friendly because i don't want to remember the mistake or the shame. Is it wrong for me not to be friendly?Is it wrong for me not to feel inferior!!!!!!!!!!!




Oh Ya Allah,, I need your love to shower my heart!!! I need your light to show my way, I need your bounty to survive in this life. Oh Allah, I need you...





Allah, Allah, Allah..."Ya Allah tunjukilah kami kebenaran dan berikan kami jalan untuk mengikutinya, dan tunjukan kami kebatilan dan berikan kami jalan untuk menjauhinya"

Allahumma ameen...



hari-hari dalam ketangisan....